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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
I am at two with nature.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats.
Marriage is the death of hope.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I am at two with nature.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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